December 31, 2009 – “Springtime for Hitler and Germany”

All I can say is curse Mel Brooks and his hilarious musical “The Producers,” because as soon as I stepped off the plane into Frankfurt that song just got locked in my head. (I know it’s extremely offensive to the German people, but the mind does what the mind wants, at least I wasn’t goose-stepping around the airport.)

I immediately took note of the vast size of this facility. No I realize this little excursion was my first experience outside the Western Hemisphere, but this damn airport looked BIG! I mean I thought O’Hare, LAX or Atlanta was big… this collection of runways and buildings in Frankfurt should most definitely have its own area code.

It took 45 minutes to walk from my plane to the Business Class lounge (and I walk pretty darn fast, since I am from the NYC area). And as great as the service and experience was FLYING Lufthansa, it was equally disappointing on the GROUND. The club was just plain awful, nothing of substance to eat, a horrible selection of drinks (both regular and alcoholic… and let’s face it I was in the mood to drink since I was counting down to the arrival in my new, dry as teetotaler workplace.) The capper on the whole thing was….drum roll please… no FiWi at all? WTF?!?! Did Europe just miss the last decade of the wireless internet revolution?

My mistake was not trying to catch a some shuteye and sleep through the whole disappointing experience, but I was too afraid that I would sleep right through my flight and make a wonderful first impression the folks flying me over 10-thousand miles to work for them.

Finally, I have to say that German friendliness is kind of like English haute cuisine, it hasn’t been recorded in the over 10,000 years of human existence. They are polite, but as you know being polite doesn’t mean you are being friendly. Just ask any woman who has ever shopped for cosmetics at a department store. The young ladies (using the term loosely, like their boyfriends hope they are) behind the counter are polite, but not really nice. Where else does the spoken word “ma’am” seem to sound more like “bitch?” As in, “Yes, ma’am (bitch). Of course you look like a summer ma’am. (dried up wrinkly bitch). These colors work well for more senior women with a winter complexion ma’am (stupid old bitch).”