OK, here’s a hypothetical: “You’re a professional doubles tennis player, but you break your leg and can never play the game again. Your former partner goes on and wins Wimbledon without you. How do you feel about it?”
So, if we were answering honestly here I think most of us (not all mind you) would be a little jealous, right? It’s funny; jealousy is a familiar experience in human relationships. It has been observed in infants five months old and older with some anthropologists claiming that jealousy is seen in every culture across the globe. I don’t think I am a particularly jealous person, maybe envy works better for me. Actually, I think the definition of envy sounds WORSE-an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it." Yikes! That last part really bothers me…
For those who know me this will come as no surprise, but I really dislike singing IN PUBLIC. Get me alone behind the wheel of my car or soaping up in the shower and look out American Idol, but in front of others… NOT. This brings me to some of my new friends who treat Karaoke as a kind of new national pastime. For those of you who have been living under a rock and missed the 90s craze, Karaoke is a form of interactive entertainment or video game in which amateur (note the term) singers sing along with recorded music (and/or a music video) using a microphone and public address system, sometimes there is scoring involved…UGH!
Recently we had one of those singing sessions where I was determined to be the “good guest” and participate willingly in something I consider more torturous than water boarding. Keeping in mind, that I can’t carry a tune with two free hands and wheelbarrow one of my new buddies steps up and promptly starts crooning “Livin’ La Vida Loca” like Ricky Martin! (He did lose a few points for his Karaoke artist and song selection, but who’s counting?) In this case, I did not feel jealous of his singing abilities, I simply wanted to remind everyone in the room that WASPs are not what I would call “musical people.”
Later on that evening, when the band finally decided to play, the dance floor began to fill up and my heart sank with dread, because my dancing makes my singing sound like music to your ears. (For those who are Seinfeld fans and would like a point of reference on my dancing prowess, see Elaine’s wild gyrations during the office party scene.) Actually, I am the reigning “White Man’s Overbite” dancing champion-a disgusting display which no person should be made to observe. As best I can describe, it is an expression of what could possibly be described as enjoyment (on the part of the white man dancing) except it scares children to tears. Suffice to say, watching me dance is like staring at the sun, it will make you go blind (‘cause you will want to gouge your own eyes out or at least spend a couple extra months on the couch with a good shrink or hypnotherapist blocking that tragic memory.) So up steps my other friend, who has clearly been practicing for his upcoming gig on “Dancing with the Stars.” His smooth moves-spins and dips and twirls and bends drive the crowd wild, well maybe not WILD but they were diggin’ what he was doing. For the second time in the evening I realized I was “over my head” with the styles and skills of the new ‘crew’ (but hell one thing I can do is swim). Once again, I attempted to remind everyone that WASPs are not what I would call “dancing people.”
The next day, after one hard night in between, I was talking with yet another new friend who is so optimistic and organized his name, if he was born a girl, I am sure would be “Rosy Scenario!” Just a tremendously upbeat and together guy, I think it is fair to say, no one, at any point in my life on this Earth has used those two terms to ever describe me. This guy has mapped out his life with great detail, has a plan that includes his career path, additional graduate school work and what he will eat for breakfast the next 5 days. Every “i” is dotted and “t” crossed…twice. Now I have never been one to pay attention to detail. More like a big picture, fly-by-the-seat of my pants guy. For us WASPs planning best left to assistants or administrators and optimism is held in reserve for when the market rallies or the Euro falls (yeah, I’ve been smiling a lot ‘cause of that last part).
In each case, I truly stand in awe of these gentlemen, since not only can they do it, but they make it look so frikkin easy too. I wouldn’t say I was jealous, because I am not sure I would want to do what they are doing (its great to watch, but for me not as fun to do) and see you have to WANT it for it to be called jealousy. I wouldn’t say I was envious either, because I would never long to see them fail or lose their incredible skills as is the case of with envy. Actually they teach me something new every day, little life lessons that hopefully can and will make a difference over time. In fact I believe American author and humorist Mark Twain summed it up best, "Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
Friday, June 4, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
June 2, 2010 – “Who are you?”
For those who didn’t know, I used to cover American politics for a living and being a fan of film, television and the stage let start by saying there is no greater theater in the world than a U.S. Presidential campaign. I mean come on, consider the plot—the stakes couldn’t be higher, the daily twists and turns through the battleground states, the scandals, the name-calling and of course constant polling (where else in the world can you get feedback from your audience WHILE you are performing on the grandest of stages? It’s Improv on steroids!)
One of my favorite (and incidentally one of the most famous) campaign moments actually happened during a VICE-Presidential debate (and no, it’s not the Quayle/Kennedy line from Sen. Bentsen, although that is a DARN good one too). Actually, the one I am talking about occurred on October 13, 1992 when General William Stockdale infamously opened the debate by saying, "Who am I? Why am I here?" Initially, the rhetorical questions drew applause from the audience, seeming to be a good-natured acknowledgment of his relatively unknown status and lack of traditional qualifications. However, his unfocused style for the rest of the debate (including asking the moderator to repeat one question because he didn't have his hearing aid turned on) made him appear confused and almost disoriented.
I mention this because it’s important to know “who you are.” For most of us there are at least two or three “us” amalgamated into one. There is the public “us,” the person we show the world-at work and at play. Then there is the private “us” the person we are when we are with our family and close friends, and for some of us there is a third “us,” the person we are when are by ourselves, alone with only our thoughts to guide us. People who are comfortable with themselves and truly can answer the questions “Who am I and why am I here?” with confidence are home free. I would venture to guess they have only one “us.” Meaning they are the same regardless of who they’re with or where they are. Remember any constant in life is hard to come by; something that can be counted on time and time again to perform consistently is indeed a rarity.
The personality “chameleons” are much more difficult to gauge. Randomness by its very nature encourages chaos and leads to uncertainty. The now famous Forrest Gump quote comes to mind, “Mama always said life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get.” Well, that may be fine for chocolates, but it sure ain’t for friendship. The question is this: Can friends who “change” truly be counted on? True friendship isn’t for the fickle or faint of heart, it’s for the dedicated and devoted. People come in and out of our lives for a reason, those who pitch a tent and stay… those are the ones we should make sure we work hard to keep.
Friendships should be treasured, held precious, as they are apparently more valuable than gold. According to a 2006 study by the American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships since the mid-eighties. The study states 25% of Americans have no close confidants, and the average total number of confidants per citizen has dropped from four to two. Friendship it seems is a dying art, or at least on life-support.
It’s said the best time to make a friend is when you DON’T need one and the quickest way to lose one is to be dishonest. Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart is the mark of true friendship. All of this takes me back to my point-in order to be a good friend you first have to know yourself, to be yourself and be willing to give yourself freely. As the great warrior/philosopher Sun Tzu once wrote, “Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories.”
This brings me back to our story’s protagonist, Admiral Stockdale. He most definitely knew who he was-a highly decorated Navy pilot who inspired fellow prisoners of war in North Vietnam and later ran for vice president. Now I know Stockdale's name has become a buzzword in this culture for a doddering old man, but that’s not what the record SHOULD reflect. He taught philosophy at Stanford University, and was a brilliant, sensitive, courageous man (he passed away in 2005). And yet he committed the one unpardonable sin in our culture: he was bad on television (a thing or two I know something about). In one quick moment, his public “us” or persona tarnished everything else about him, transforming him into the butt of jokes from late-night comedians. If it can happen to him it most certainly can happen to you. Leave the “us”-s behind and become ONE with yourself. Don’t put yourself or your friendships at risk because the mask or appearance you present to the world gets in the way. Take the mask off, and just be yourself.
One of my favorite (and incidentally one of the most famous) campaign moments actually happened during a VICE-Presidential debate (and no, it’s not the Quayle/Kennedy line from Sen. Bentsen, although that is a DARN good one too). Actually, the one I am talking about occurred on October 13, 1992 when General William Stockdale infamously opened the debate by saying, "Who am I? Why am I here?" Initially, the rhetorical questions drew applause from the audience, seeming to be a good-natured acknowledgment of his relatively unknown status and lack of traditional qualifications. However, his unfocused style for the rest of the debate (including asking the moderator to repeat one question because he didn't have his hearing aid turned on) made him appear confused and almost disoriented.
I mention this because it’s important to know “who you are.” For most of us there are at least two or three “us” amalgamated into one. There is the public “us,” the person we show the world-at work and at play. Then there is the private “us” the person we are when we are with our family and close friends, and for some of us there is a third “us,” the person we are when are by ourselves, alone with only our thoughts to guide us. People who are comfortable with themselves and truly can answer the questions “Who am I and why am I here?” with confidence are home free. I would venture to guess they have only one “us.” Meaning they are the same regardless of who they’re with or where they are. Remember any constant in life is hard to come by; something that can be counted on time and time again to perform consistently is indeed a rarity.
The personality “chameleons” are much more difficult to gauge. Randomness by its very nature encourages chaos and leads to uncertainty. The now famous Forrest Gump quote comes to mind, “Mama always said life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get.” Well, that may be fine for chocolates, but it sure ain’t for friendship. The question is this: Can friends who “change” truly be counted on? True friendship isn’t for the fickle or faint of heart, it’s for the dedicated and devoted. People come in and out of our lives for a reason, those who pitch a tent and stay… those are the ones we should make sure we work hard to keep.
Friendships should be treasured, held precious, as they are apparently more valuable than gold. According to a 2006 study by the American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships since the mid-eighties. The study states 25% of Americans have no close confidants, and the average total number of confidants per citizen has dropped from four to two. Friendship it seems is a dying art, or at least on life-support.
It’s said the best time to make a friend is when you DON’T need one and the quickest way to lose one is to be dishonest. Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart is the mark of true friendship. All of this takes me back to my point-in order to be a good friend you first have to know yourself, to be yourself and be willing to give yourself freely. As the great warrior/philosopher Sun Tzu once wrote, “Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories.”
This brings me back to our story’s protagonist, Admiral Stockdale. He most definitely knew who he was-a highly decorated Navy pilot who inspired fellow prisoners of war in North Vietnam and later ran for vice president. Now I know Stockdale's name has become a buzzword in this culture for a doddering old man, but that’s not what the record SHOULD reflect. He taught philosophy at Stanford University, and was a brilliant, sensitive, courageous man (he passed away in 2005). And yet he committed the one unpardonable sin in our culture: he was bad on television (a thing or two I know something about). In one quick moment, his public “us” or persona tarnished everything else about him, transforming him into the butt of jokes from late-night comedians. If it can happen to him it most certainly can happen to you. Leave the “us”-s behind and become ONE with yourself. Don’t put yourself or your friendships at risk because the mask or appearance you present to the world gets in the way. Take the mask off, and just be yourself.
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