June 5, 2010-Dirty Dancing

OK, here’s a hypothetical: “You’re a professional doubles tennis player, but you break your leg and can never play the game again. Your former partner goes on and wins Wimbledon without you. How do you feel about it?”

So, if we were answering honestly here I think most of us (not all mind you) would be a little jealous, right? It’s funny; jealousy is a familiar experience in human relationships. It has been observed in infants five months old and older with some anthropologists claiming that jealousy is seen in every culture across the globe. I don’t think I am a particularly jealous person, maybe envy works better for me. Actually, I think the definition of envy sounds WORSE-an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it." Yikes! That last part really bothers me…

For those who know me this will come as no surprise, but I really dislike singing IN PUBLIC. Get me alone behind the wheel of my car or soaping up in the shower and look out American Idol, but in front of others… NOT. This brings me to some of my new friends who treat Karaoke as a kind of new national pastime. For those of you who have been living under a rock and missed the 90s craze, Karaoke is a form of interactive entertainment or video game in which amateur (note the term) singers sing along with recorded music (and/or a music video) using a microphone and public address system, sometimes there is scoring involved…UGH!

Recently we had one of those singing sessions where I was determined to be the “good guest” and participate willingly in something I consider more torturous than water boarding. Keeping in mind, that I can’t carry a tune with two free hands and wheelbarrow one of my new buddies steps up and promptly starts crooning “Livin’ La Vida Loca” like Ricky Martin! (He did lose a few points for his Karaoke artist and song selection, but who’s counting?) In this case, I did not feel jealous of his singing abilities, I simply wanted to remind everyone in the room that WASPs are not what I would call “musical people.”

Later on that evening, when the band finally decided to play, the dance floor began to fill up and my heart sank with dread, because my dancing makes my singing sound like music to your ears. (For those who are Seinfeld fans and would like a point of reference on my dancing prowess, see Elaine’s wild gyrations during the office party scene.) Actually, I am the reigning “White Man’s Overbite” dancing champion-a disgusting display which no person should be made to observe. As best I can describe, it is an expression of what could possibly be described as enjoyment (on the part of the white man dancing) except it scares children to tears. Suffice to say, watching me dance is like staring at the sun, it will make you go blind (‘cause you will want to gouge your own eyes out or at least spend a couple extra months on the couch with a good shrink or hypnotherapist blocking that tragic memory.) So up steps my other friend, who has clearly been practicing for his upcoming gig on “Dancing with the Stars.” His smooth moves-spins and dips and twirls and bends drive the crowd wild, well maybe not WILD but they were diggin’ what he was doing. For the second time in the evening I realized I was “over my head” with the styles and skills of the new ‘crew’ (but hell one thing I can do is swim). Once again, I attempted to remind everyone that WASPs are not what I would call “dancing people.”

The next day, after one hard night in between, I was talking with yet another new friend who is so optimistic and organized his name, if he was born a girl, I am sure would be “Rosy Scenario!” Just a tremendously upbeat and together guy, I think it is fair to say, no one, at any point in my life on this Earth has used those two terms to ever describe me. This guy has mapped out his life with great detail, has a plan that includes his career path, additional graduate school work and what he will eat for breakfast the next 5 days. Every “i” is dotted and “t” crossed…twice. Now I have never been one to pay attention to detail. More like a big picture, fly-by-the-seat of my pants guy. For us WASPs planning best left to assistants or administrators and optimism is held in reserve for when the market rallies or the Euro falls (yeah, I’ve been smiling a lot ‘cause of that last part).

In each case, I truly stand in awe of these gentlemen, since not only can they do it, but they make it look so frikkin easy too. I wouldn’t say I was jealous, because I am not sure I would want to do what they are doing (its great to watch, but for me not as fun to do) and see you have to WANT it for it to be called jealousy. I wouldn’t say I was envious either, because I would never long to see them fail or lose their incredible skills as is the case of with envy. Actually they teach me something new every day, little life lessons that hopefully can and will make a difference over time. In fact I believe American author and humorist Mark Twain summed it up best, "Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."