December 31, 2009 - “Gone in 60 Seconds”

So how did this all start? Don’t worry I’ll cover all of that in due time. Rather than simply starting at the very beginning (a very good place to start), let’s cut to the end of the beginning (which hopefully won’t turn out, in retrospect, to be the beginning of the end).

Outside the new-ish Indianapolis International Airport, I said goodbye to my family with getting too emotional, which is odd since I am more than capable of crying. Evidenced by my need for tissues at the end of “Saving Private Ryan,” whenever Syracuse loses during March Madness, and of course when I stub my toe. (Have you ever slammed your bare foot into the bottom of your bed? Those metal mattress frames really can leave a nasty bruise!)

So what does it say about me that I shed more tears hugging my 11 year-old black lab than when I kissed my son and daughter goodbye? I guess it means I know I will see them again, but with Bonnie at her age, you just never know. God I love that dog!

Anyway, Brayden (age 7) gave me a big hug, and then realizing he was bored jumped back into the car. ShaiAnne (age 9) looked deep into my eyes as if to determine if I was ever coming back at all, decided that in fact I was, and hugged me tight. Then realizing she was too cold jumped back into the car to join her brother.

Finally, as predicted my wife pretty much lost it. Kitty after all, cries during Grey’s Anatomy and movies like “Desperately Seeking Susan.” So without acting too much like a sexist pig, the crying “game” actually gets worse, MUCH worse when her monthly “friend” comes to visit (thank God I have a penis, they work much better). When it’s that time of the month, a sappy episode of “Family Guy” might cause quite the waterworks show.

After checking in with my buddies, I realized my wife isn’t the only one, reported to have this particular affliction. Apparently, many if not most husbands have to suffer through this condition with their wives. So much so in fact, we are banding together to petition the church to amend the wedding vows to read, “in sickness and health, through long sobbing phases and silly crying spasms often brought on by “chick flicks” or inane primetime dramas.” (But don’t worry ladies once we open this thing up for editing, I am sure you can think of a few items to add too.)